Welcome to the 2girlsandababy Blog! I’m Elle. My wife, Kay, and I decided to create a blog for our journey to parenthood. As a same-sex couple, we were a bit overwhelmed with different options to map out a plan. Once we decided on our plan of action, I immediately wanted any and all information I could get my hands on in regards to same-sex parents and their pregnancy stories. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find a story similar to ours. So, while this is a place for us to document our experiences so we can look back at the magical moments, challenges and milestones that are ahead of us. BUT! It will (hopefully) also be a place that other couples who are considering parenthood can come to as a resource or just learn about a journey like ours.
Although there are many, the four options we considered were:
- IUI, using donor sperm with Kay as the carrier
- IUI, using donor sperm with me as the carrier
- IVF, using donor sperm with Kay’s eggs and me as the carrier
We began to consider the pros and cons of each and lined those up with factors that were very important to us. Like most couples, we preferred that the child be a mixture of both of us. Obviously, we could not achieve that in the usual way. So how do you decide who is biologically related to a child that belongs to you both? Should we just adopt and then no one is related? We knew that our plan all along was to have one child. We also knew that I had a strong urge to be pregnant and give birth to a child. It was always something that I wanted out of life and Kay felt the opposite. We had to do this the way that would be best for us, what we really wanted.
What we ultimately decided on is a hard road, an EXPENSIVE road, a road that not all people understand, but, the best road for us.
The baby will be biologically related to both of us and I will carry. This will be accomplished by an IVF procedure. The difference between our IVF journey and that of a heterosexual couple is that during the first half Kay will be the patient and once her eggs are retrieved and fertilized, they will be transferred to my uterus and I will become the patient. The baby will have Kay’s DNA, coming from her egg. The baby will also be related to me because of the most amazing thing – My brother is our donor. The best brother I could have ever asked for told me he could not think of a good reason not to donate for us to conceive a child. Many people are confused by this at first, thinking that there is a chance for incest, and even when we explain that there is zero chance for incest, some still can’t get over feeling weird about it.
People are always going to feel some sort of way about how you act, what you choose, who you are or who you love, but, for us, these things are just part of life when it comes to being gay in America. There have been people, who we know and not know, who have reacted a little less enthusiastic than the average person would be to learn about a possible pregnancy even this early on. However, it has not once had an impact on our confidence that this is what’s right. This journey is one of the biggest dreams I have for my life and I know Kay feels the same way. We are so blessed to be on this journey together and have the love and support from family and friends, especially my amazing brother. And so it begins!
♥ Elle and Kay