Sad news

Our first beta testing was yesterday.  While I was teaching, I saw my phone light up with the fertility center’s number but I waited to listen to it almost 5 hours later when I was with Kay.  The results were negative.

I kind of prepared myself for that.  At 6dp5dt, I tested with first response and there was not even the faintest of lines.  At 9dp5dt, I tested with a digital first response and it was also negative.  So while I could keep telling myself (and I did) that it was too early to test, I knew deep down that my cramps stopped feeling new and began to feel more like menstrual cramps.

I have a million questions.  And probably only about 4 that I can actually put into words for the doctor.  We plan on emailing the fertility center this weekend.

What we do know is that we now have a choice to wait a bit to recover, or start again right away.  And honestly, it’s hard to know what we should do.

I’m trying to focus on the silver linings and here’s what I’ve got: I have the most amazing wife I could ever ask for (even when I was full of hormones), we have 11 frozen embryos still waiting to be thawed, the second time around we will know what to expect, and I have been off meds for 24 hours and already feel more like myself!

I want to carry a child.  That’s my dream.  I never assumed it would be easy – and we’re not giving up.  Not even for a second.

♥  Elle



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